You and I
by DoomsdayDevices
Summary: One-Shot. A story of an unaccepted wedding invitation. My first fanfic, so please be open minded.


Tis my first fanfiction on this site, and it is from one of my all time favourite series of games. I suppose you could say this was slight Snake/Meryl, but its just reminiscing really. This is a story of a unaccepted invitation.

**I do not own Metal Gear Solid.**

**Yet.**

* * *

"You're not coming."

It was a statement, not a question. It didn't require an answer, but it ostensibly demanded an explanation. She didn't know what more she could say; she let that same sombre expression flicker over his face before he took another drag of the cigarette. How many times had she watched him do that? Always, in the past, there had been an aura of contentment about him when he performed that ritual, but now his muscles were tight; he was tense.

"No," he growled, considering whether to look at her, then deciding not to, "I have things to do"

"That's the only reason?"

_What can I say?_

He knew he wouldn't like what he would see. He knew. But he looked anyway. He had to.

It was the first time he'd seen her in civilian clothes in longer than he dare think about. Her hair was much the same, her face had that familiar compassionate expression, but her eyes were ages older than they had been. _You've seen a lot more death. _

It flooded back. Years ago, she had asked him to train her. He had been her mentor, and she had been his protégé; raw talent with a handgun, but even that had needed refining. That old memory, Driving her in dead silence to the train station. Saying a final goodbye. Watching her walk away and never look back. She faced him now as a different woman, not a rookie. Part of that made him proud; part of it made him sad.

"There are a lot of things going on at the moment that I need to figure out. The war may be over for the rest of you, but mine still carries on. I'm still fighting this..."

He gestured to his body.

She shook her head, and took a step closer.

"No. You could sort things out any day. You chose _MY _day. You chose it for a reason. What is it, Snake?"

Why was she asking? She already knew.

"You want me to be frank?" he said quietly, the wind blowing gently in his hair, a low hum of noise coming from the nomad behind him.

"How can you expect me to be all smiles, and be okay with all this?"

"I don't understand what you mean..."

"I mean...it's just another reminder. Just another depressing reminder that everything, _everyone_......urgh.....you know what I mean...it...carries on..."

"Oh...."

Meryl hung her head, but looked up almost immediately. She didn't want him to make her feel guilty about this. He had no right.

He couldn't hold her stare as long as he'd wanted to; he had to look away. The words that slipped from his lips were so foreign to him.

"You were the only woman I ever loved, Meryl. I'm not going to watch you walk away from me with a proud smile on my face.".

She looked at him, a flicker of surprise crossing her face, only to be quickly replaced with a blank look.

"That's not fair."

_What did she mean by that?_

"And to that guy.... He's.....you can do better than that guy," he growled.

She smiled, intrigued. A malicious smile.

"Oh really? Why do you say that?"

She stared, gauging his reaction.

"Because....he's not....."

"You?"

Snake turned to her, and her pale eyes were angry, looking almost betrayed.

"No.....". It was useless to deny. If there was one thing that frightened him, then it was that Johnny was not far off being his complete opposite.

"_Why can't you be happy for me?" _she demanded.

Her voice cracked as she spoke. He was sorry it had to come to this.

As every second passed, he was becoming a memory, a frightening reminder to everyone of their own mortality. Faces fell when he walked into a room. When he died, those faces would be sad, but underneath their sorrow, they would feel a blessed release.

"I can't pretend that it doesn't...hurt me that you're moving on."

She shook her head again, putting her hand to her face and rubbing her brow. She turned into the breeze, letting it blow her hair behind her, and inhaled deeply. She was upset, but every negative emotion she had ever felt was immediately transformed into anger. She tried to calm herself, tried to imagine that Snake had put the past behind him, that it was water under the bridge. But it wasn't. His pain was still there, sustained if not increased by the passage of time.

Nothing had changed really. She had known then, when she had been with him, that there was no future. She had never let herself forget it. So why now, when she saw his inevitable fate so obviously laid out before her in his aged face, did she feel grief for their relationship. A silly hope? One she had clung on to? One that had kept her going...

She had known that it would end, but maybe, in the back of her mind, she had thought they would be together again. In the future. The future that, now, would never come.

_To see you again. _

When she'd seen his dying face, after so many years of separation, it had been like closure. After then, she could open up. She let herself move on, find another future.

_And she'll move on and live happily ever after, and I'll die alone, in the past, and become the legend they always thought I was._

_The Irony._

_I killed for a living. They paid me to kill. Everything I ever owned, I bought with the blood of others. _

_And I'm a hero._

Snake dropped his cigarette and stamped it out.

"I was thinking about quitting. It's a disgusting habit," Snake mumbled, almost conversationally.

He grinned and looked towards her, and he was relieved to see her smiling.

"Wow. That's pretty impressive," she breathed, "Considering how many times we've all tried to tell you that"

"Huh" he laughed, "I remember what you used to say."

"_Snake, if you spend your whole life fighting Metal Gears, then die from smoking, I'll laugh."_

They both laughed, and then fell silently, remembering with sadness when they used to laugh together like this. On the porch of the cabin, in Alaska. Every evening. Just talking while he smoked, until the sun set. Watching the iridescent light rays as they glinted off the snow flakes, in tinges of many colours. The golden sunlight would glisten on the rippling surface of the lakes, until they plunged into inky black. An abyss, where there was no pain, or fear, just perpetual peace.

It was approaching that time of day now.

"Before," Snake began again, in the warm silence, "When I said I didn't want to see you get married, and you said that it wasn't fair, what did you mean?"

She looked at him, almost confused, and then turned away to look at the sun. She closed her eyes, then opened them slowly, looking sad.

"I guess," she said quietly, "that when we were together, I every now and again I would wonder if maybe you were using me, or didn't really care that much about me. And then now, a week before I'm going to get married, after years..... You tell me that you loved me, just when I was about to..."

"Forget about me?" he interrupted, "Forget about me, once and for all?"

"You don't understand" she hissed, "I've spent the last eight years wondering, when it was you'd walk back into my life. That we could reconcile like we said we would. I waited for you! I waited for that day! And it never happened. And as soon as I move on, here you are..."

He hung his head, so she wouldn't see his pained expression.

"And Snake! After you_ knew _how I felt. You've had years to tell me you cared about me Snake. Years!"

"Years I didn't know I didn't have!"

She looked as though she was about to cry, but he knew she wouldn't. He'd seen her on the brink before; she hardly ever went over.

"I waited. Now it's too late."

Both of them felt that searing pain of regret. She let the wind quieten before she spoke again.

"Snake, I love you" she looked across at him, into his eyes, "And I will always love you. You're family to me. Please, can I have your blessing?"

He snorted.

"You're supposed to ask Roy for his blessing".

"I don't give a rat's ass about Roy. It's your blessing I want"

The noise from the Nomad grew louder for a second, then quieted down.

"He'll be there, you know".

"Hmm?"

"At the wedding, I mean"

All was silent save for the wind in the rushes.

"He's a good guy," Snake continued, "And despite his....faults, he thinks the world of you. There's not enough room for more hate in this world, especially amongst families. You already lost one father; you should hold on to this one. Not many people get a second chance."

She sighed.

"You want me to make up with him, is that it?"

"Yeah. For me, if for no other reason."

She had flashbacks, remembering when Roy had taken her away from her unstable mother. Suddenly, it had been just the two of them, in that huge country house. They had filled the empty space and the silence by developing a bond akin to the warmest of friendships. They had once been a team. Now, they could not have been further apart.

"Okay then," she agreed, sighing, "I'll try."

"Good."

"Does this mean I have your blessing?"

"Yeah."

"But you're still not coming?"

"Nope."

"Okay then."

There was finality in her voice. She got up and turned towards the soft glow of the Nomad.

He whispered to himself, knowing she was too far away to hear it.

"Long live."


End file.
